Gunpowder Grotto

The thoughts and musings of a gunfighter wannabe.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

So...pissed off...part 2...

So, a while ago, my little sister got the game Kingdom Hearts 2. First off, I just want to state that although it revolves around Disney characters, it is an awsome game. Well, even though it is her game, she has said that I can play it.
Now, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a 19 year-old who grew up playing video games is going to be much better at them than his 8 year-old sister. That's where the problem comes in. Because I'm so good, I've gotten to the final boss before her (on my file. We each have our own game files, and we never touch the other's). What's wrong with that, you say? It appears that my sister has watched me play in an effort to make herself a better player. However, because she's watched me, she knows some plot points (of course, she still doesn't know that Roxas is *spoiler deleted*, that after the final battle with Ansem in the last game Riku *spoiler deleted* and then *spoiler deleted*). Yet, these plot points that she knows are in fact the plot points of Disney movies (you'd have to play the game to understand).
In the end, she's decided that she needs to tell my mom (little whiny tattle-tale), who has in turn decided that what I did to my sister (play the game so that she knows the plot to the movies Beauty & the Beast, Aladdin, Mulan, Hercules, Tron, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Lion King), I now owe my sister a new video game. And, since I don't have any money to buy a new game for her, I have to work it off all day tomorrow.
Now, what is a wholly inappropriate thing that I can post to make every reader lose sympathy for me because I'm so pissed off? Wait, I know.
Oh, she'll get a game, alright. I'll get her Clock Tower 3. If anyone here's played that game, I'm sure you know what scene I'm talking about. For those of you who haven't, let me give you a hint: It involves a little British girl (not you, Cat), a serial killer, and a giant, blood-stained sledgehammer. Figure out what happens yourself.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

My very first Precision Guided Humor Assignment (here, anyways)

A Precision Guided Humor Assignment

Wow. After several comment box abuses, I have at last obtained a blog on which I can post these little gems of funny. This is the reason Harvey continuously used his valuable time to give me a swift kick in the ass to get me to start a blog. Well, here it goes.

Well what do you know? It seems that Iran is still being a little baby and continues to reject all of our kind requests to stop f***ing with us. They still have a nuclear program and show no signs of stopping. Now it's up to us to figure out a plan to put an end to this whole ordeal. So, as it is my self-proclaimed specialty, I will now consult my family on the issue:

Father: Can't you see that I'm a little busy at the moment? (He is in the hospital having surgery after a heart attack. Please keep him in your prayers. This should be in a separate post, but I'm not that worried about it and don't feel like it's necessary)

Mother: What have I said about the home? You want an answer, if Ahmadinejad doesn't cut it out, I'll go over there and drag him to the home myself!

Sister Lily: I'll draw a picture for him, and you steal them when he's not looking!

Cousin Christopher: A nuclear powered car would be awsome. Think he'll lend me some?

Cousin Stephanie: Iran's a dumb country. Why should we give a crap about a country that outlaws martinis?

Aunt Mary: I don't need these crutches anymore. You can use them to beat the s*** out of him if you want.

Uncle Dave: Let them make their nukes. It gives me an excuse to teach those Commies a lesson for what they did to my finger in Vietnam! What, they're NOT Commies? No matter, they'll pay for my finger anyways.

Grandma Maggie: Oh, don't worry about them using any nukes. I'm sure they're not that stupid. Even if they do, I'll just snipe them out of the sky. Problem solved!

Uncle Mike: Sorry, but I have to study for my mechanics test. Take this kodachi (short katana) I made in my spare time and knock yourself out.

Puppy Link: arfarfarfinfiltratearfarfarf!

Puppy Lucy: arfarfarfassassinatearfarfarf!

GF Cat: Not now. I need to find Hellsing volume 2 before I can do anything else. When I'm done, though, I'll show them my scissoring skills. That should scare them good.


So there's my list. This is the Wandering Gunslinger, signing off, with hopes that next time, I'll come up with something a little more creative than a crappy list. Again.

P.S. MAKE A $(*&*Y&*$&% FEAR THE 'STACHE T-SHIRT!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

That essay I was talking about

Well, due to popular demand (aka one person, aka Harvey), I have decided to post the essay I wrote for my AP Economics class on how to combat the war on drugs that my teacher thought was good enough to submit to the Federal Reserve for an essay contest they were having. I titled it "How to win the war on drugs and still get to burn things":

Our government’s efforts to try and destroy the market for illegal substances are ineffective and a waste of the tax-payer’s money. While it is true that the average person will not be bothered by the externalities of the use of drugs, the market itself has grown as a result of our anti-drug legislation and politicians who are only influenced by money (though you can’t really blame them. I mean, who doesn’t like having lots of money?) By looking from an economic perspective, however, it is possible to find a better way to limit the sales of illegal drugs in this country that gives us more cash to burn.
Some guy, I don’t know who (nor do I care to find out), once said that all humans are basically good. To this, I have two words to say: Bull shit. Humans are only animals, and as such, will only follow their natural instincts, regardless of if it’s good or bad. If you take a person and put him in front of a bunch of buttons, which one do they think of pressing first? In almost every instance, they will immediately look right at the big, red button that’s labeled “Do not push!” Whether or not this has to do with the button being big and red, I do not know. The main reason people reach for that button is because they are told not to push it. People are intrigued by the unknown, and forbidding the unknown only fuels their curiosity. Illegal drugs are no different than a big, red button labeled “Do not push!” By telling people that they cannot use illegal drugs, their very nature compels them to light up. Or inject, inhale, snort, swallow, or whatever the hell kids do these days.
The laws of supply and demand can be used to better explain how the war on drugs has made the drug market stronger. According to the philosophy of the government, making drugs illegal and destroying existing supplies by setting drug crops on fire will shift the supply curve to the left, making quantities lower than and prices higher than equilibrium, and they are correct. By making drugs illegal and destroying the crops used to produce them, they are shifting the supply curve to the left. However, they forgot to take into account how people react when the supply curve is shifted as a result of anti-supply legislation. Since it is in human nature to desire the forbidden, the demand curve for illegal drugs will shift to the right. Also, because of the high price of every single unit of illegal drugs, people are more inclined to try and produce it themselves since they only have to produce a small amount to make a large profit. In the end, the government’s current method of curbing the drug market has only succeeded in increasing its size. Then, there’s also the issue of how this is draining the economy and causing an overflow in our prison system, but I don’t feel like going into that at the moment.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I agree that drugs are something that our society is much better off not having to deal with. As such, it is important that we find some way to lower the market for drugs. For one method, we can look at the television show South Park. No, you didn’t read that wrong, I am using the show South Park to make my case (look, it’s this or another reference to setting things on fire). In the episode titled “Trapper Keeper”, Cartman gets a new trapper keeper and won’t let anyone touch it. In order to discourage the other kids from trying to touch it, he tells them that “big metal spikes will come out and pierce their hands”. After Cartman tells them this, Kyle says that he thinks Cartman is lying and still wants to touch the trapper keeper. Cartman then responds by saying that he’ll let Kyle touch it, which results in making Kyle nervous and not want to touch it anymore. What Cartman did is an effective technique that our government can utilize in it’s efforts to combat drug sales. By warning people of the side effects, then giving them to opportunity to try them, while arguably hypocritical, will eventually lower the demand curve and the amount of drug users in our society.
Of course, finding a way to lower the supply curve would also harm the market for drugs. Already, the government does this by raiding and destroying large farms growing the crops that are used to make illegal drugs. Unfortunately, since these operations are not secret, and as it has been previously described, this kind of government intervention only serves in increasing the demand for these substances. How can the government lower the supply of drugs without raising the demand? Enter the world of covert ops. All the government has to do is say that it will end it’s destruction of drug producing crops, then turn around and destroy them secretly. With all the money that is being pumped into agencies like the CIA and the ATF, setting a large field of marijuana on fire and making it look like a complete accident shouldn’t be a problem. Hell, if you give me, I’d say $30,000, I’ll do it for them. That would be sweet, getting paid to burn things…
If the government truly wishes to end the market for illegal substances, then it needs to face reality. As long as there are humans, there will always be a market for drugs. However, if it makes drugs legal while stressing their dangers, and continues to engage in the destruction of crops, but covertly, then the market for drugs will decline. With a smaller market, it is hopeful that we will live in a better society. Now if you’ll excuse me, my nature compels me to go play videogames. Preferably one that lets me set things on fire.

Charles Tobin is a syndicated essayist who’s writings appear locally on his computer (worldwide if you’re a hacker), and is the author of such books as “And Mom said South Park Wood Rotte mie Brane” and “A Pyromaniac’s Guide to Being a Shadow Government Pawn”.



By the way, does anyone know how to do that thing where you put something like "read more" and the rest of the post under that is hidden on the general blog and you have to click on "read more" to show the whole thing. Anyone reading this know how to do that?


Update:
Welcome Bad Example readers!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Momma's Day

Well, yesterday was Mother's Day, and was it ever fun. For her gift, I got my mom the first season of Malcolm in the Middle and That 70's Show, which are the only things she'll watch these days. Let me tell you something: There is little better in life than just sitting on a couch with your mom (and little sister) watching some of the best shows out there...While eating those little ice cream things that are either vanilla, cherry, or chocolate ice cream covered in a hard chocolate shell. Man those things are good...

Sadly, I didn't take her out to dinner, mainly because I had to overnight the DVDs from Amazon and that costed me over $70.00, but the main reason is because my grandma decided that everyone would celebrate Mother's Day on Monday so as to beat the thousands of people trying to get into the restaurant. And which restaurant does grandma want to take us to? *Sigh* Old Country Buffet. I don't know why I don't like that place. For an all-you-can-eat buffet, the food it's got is pretty good. Yet, whenever I go there, I feel like a complete redneck.

I mean, you people have seen comedians (like Larry the Cable Guy) who poke fun at buffet restaurants, and the thing is, they're pretty much right about them. The only people that I see go there are the morbidly obese people, morbidly old people (might be why grandma wants to go there, but she's the kind of person who'll tear you limb from limb if you refer to her as old), and morbidly hick people (guess that explains why my uncle Mike will be going, but I shouldn't be mean to him. He's a great guy. He even reads manga (WHICH IS WHAT YOU DORKS SHOULD BE DOING NOW!)).

My mom's dreading going there, mainly because she thinks that everyone there will turn to her and start chanting, "One of us...One of us...". I feel kinda bad for her. Oh well. Soon, I'll be out of high school, and then I'll have enough time to get a job that pays actual money. Then she'll never have to worry about that again.

P.S. Does anyone else notice that I took a post about Mother's Day and turned it into a long-ass discussion of Old Country Buffet? Taking one topic and deviating from it is somewhat of a specialty of mine. It's right up there with my shooting abilities.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

GET HELLSING ALREADY!

Well, it appears that you people STILL haven't gotten Hellsing yet. Sheesh, it's just a comic book that's written to read from right to left, people. What, are you afraid that you'll look like a dork? If that's the case, then I've got news for you: YOU ALREADY ARE A DORK! NOW READ COMICS BACKWARDS LIKE ONE!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Wait...where have I been?

After I posted that last post, it just occured to me that I haven't blogged in over a week. Wow. That's a long time. Maybe I should explain just what I've been up to all this time:


  • --My little sister got Kingdom Hearts 2, which is a really fun game. I mean, who could guess that a combination of the Final Fantasy games with Disney characters (no kidding. Donald and Goofy are your two allies) would be one of the best RPGs that I've ever played?


  • --I got a copy of Hellsing volume 7. Just out of curiosity, how many of you out there decided to try it out and get the first volume? I know you got a copy, Cat, the main people I'm asking are Harvey and the other members of the "family" who read me.


  • --The AP exams. For those of you who don't know, they are these super difficult tests that you can take to encourage colleges to accept you. They're so hard, in fact, that you have to take classes to prep you for them. I finished the French one (look, their government sucks, but leave them alone, okay?), and that went fairly well. Next up is this Thursday, when I have to take the Macro and Micro Economics exams.


  • --Yard work. Yep, it's that time of year again, when everyone goes outside and takes care of the crap that was buried underneath the snow for the past 4-5 months. Sheesh, I thought I raked all that stuff up back in October!


So there's my past week. Doesn't it sound like fun? Well, the first two were a blast, and my Economics teacher is freaking awsome. How awsome? The guy plays World of Warcraft, and teaches the laws of supply and demand using the prices he had to pay for his PS2 and all the games for it. In my books, any teacher that plays video and computer games and works them into classwork is awsome. Plus, he gave me an A for my research paper on the illegal drug market where all I did was talk about setting things on fire.

An old what-now?

I've been called a lot of things in my 19 some years alive. Jerk. Ass-hole. Loser. Anarchist. Sadist. Warmonger. Chickenhawk. Evil capitalist pig. Evil capitalist dog. Monster. Bub. Timothy McVeigh. However, in Kim's roundup of the people who entered his Crossing America contest, I got called something that I'd never heard before:


-- And two old curmudgeons, who are men after my own heart, picked the venerable Webley Mk. VI and Mauser C96 respectively. (Hey, if they were good enough to dispatch fuzzy-wuzzies from the Empire back in the 19th century...)



Now, if you all remember correctly, the "old curmudgeon" that chose the Mauser C96 was me. Of course, considering that he said "who are men after my own heart", I guess that "curmudgeon" is some sort of compliment.
If anyone of you people know me, I used to use the screen name "Gunlord" before I switched it to "ssj2gunslinger". The main reason I changed it was because I had gone to Kim's site and decided that he was the only person fit to have the nickname "Gunlord", so, out of courtesy, I dropped it. To receive a compliment from him is definitely one of the high points of the month.