Gunpowder Grotto

The thoughts and musings of a gunfighter wannabe.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

My very first Precision Guided Humor Assignment (here, anyways)

A Precision Guided Humor Assignment

Wow. After several comment box abuses, I have at last obtained a blog on which I can post these little gems of funny. This is the reason Harvey continuously used his valuable time to give me a swift kick in the ass to get me to start a blog. Well, here it goes.

Well what do you know? It seems that Iran is still being a little baby and continues to reject all of our kind requests to stop f***ing with us. They still have a nuclear program and show no signs of stopping. Now it's up to us to figure out a plan to put an end to this whole ordeal. So, as it is my self-proclaimed specialty, I will now consult my family on the issue:

Father: Can't you see that I'm a little busy at the moment? (He is in the hospital having surgery after a heart attack. Please keep him in your prayers. This should be in a separate post, but I'm not that worried about it and don't feel like it's necessary)

Mother: What have I said about the home? You want an answer, if Ahmadinejad doesn't cut it out, I'll go over there and drag him to the home myself!

Sister Lily: I'll draw a picture for him, and you steal them when he's not looking!

Cousin Christopher: A nuclear powered car would be awsome. Think he'll lend me some?

Cousin Stephanie: Iran's a dumb country. Why should we give a crap about a country that outlaws martinis?

Aunt Mary: I don't need these crutches anymore. You can use them to beat the s*** out of him if you want.

Uncle Dave: Let them make their nukes. It gives me an excuse to teach those Commies a lesson for what they did to my finger in Vietnam! What, they're NOT Commies? No matter, they'll pay for my finger anyways.

Grandma Maggie: Oh, don't worry about them using any nukes. I'm sure they're not that stupid. Even if they do, I'll just snipe them out of the sky. Problem solved!

Uncle Mike: Sorry, but I have to study for my mechanics test. Take this kodachi (short katana) I made in my spare time and knock yourself out.

Puppy Link: arfarfarfinfiltratearfarfarf!

Puppy Lucy: arfarfarfassassinatearfarfarf!

GF Cat: Not now. I need to find Hellsing volume 2 before I can do anything else. When I'm done, though, I'll show them my scissoring skills. That should scare them good.

So there's my list. This is the Wandering Gunslinger, signing off, with hopes that next time, I'll come up with something a little more creative than a crappy list. Again.



At 12:07 PM, Blogger Cat said...

Now that I've found Hellsing volume two, I may attempt to stop this Ahmed... whatever his name is.
You think my choice of weapon would be scissors? You are sorely mistaken my corrupted friend.

I don't know if you already know this, but I would just bite him.
If it stops people at school from taking my stuff, then it would definitely make him give up the nukes... supposing he is making nukes... which is what we're all afraid of, right? Good.

So what we do is you distract him with some website that would melt the eyes of any normal human, then I jump up from behind and bite his arm off.

And if you really want me to, I'll cut up the rest of him with scissors.

Problem solved!


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